I sat in Church today and really wondered why I am still a Christian. The priest was ranting about how Christ will protect his "chosen" people more than other people. I really do not believe that at all. He continued with advice about buying statues, necklaces, and other religious items that would "save" us. It quite possibly could be one of the most insulting homilies I've ever received. But then I was rattled by the fact that this is common for Catholics. When I went to the Churches in Poland they had these stands with relics of the Pope as if he were a Professional athlete. I was insulted by that too. Perhaps I'm insulted because this goes so contrary to the vision I have of the Catholic Church.
There was some redemption to the priest's homily. He talked about picking out things from scripture and ruminating on those lines and then applying it to your life. That really made sense to me. Catholicism has nothing to do with voodoo rituals and relics. Christ wasn't a genie. He didn't grant wishes. He came to guide us in our lives to lead us spiritual and physical fulfillment. This is why I have such a dark sense of modern prayer. Christ doesn't grant wishes, he leads us to higher sense of being. I think Christ would be very comparable in Buddha in that sense. However, I believe only the Lord could get us to such a state. This is why I believe that Christ is one with God. You will rarely see me pray for something to occur. I more pray in an effort to get to a higher state of being.
I really try to get close to the Jesuit vision of Christianity. The jesuits do not clothe themselves with relics, they are very much into prayer and the reading of scriptures as meditation, and they are very logic orientated. The Jesuits teachers I had were always questioning. More so than most of my teachers or priest today (an exception in each category).
As for the root of my faith. I would currently consider myself a non-believer in sense of belief. That probably sounds completely strange, but I currently do feel the Lord. I sit in awe thinking of men like St. Ignatius of Loyola, the apostle Paul, and St. Francis. Men who say they truly saw a vision of Christ that compelled them to faith. You have to either believe that they had a spiritual experience that set them on fire or they were crazy. I try to believe the first. I fear the latter.
I still attend Church, read scripture, and study theology because I believe that those men saw something because something exist out there. Few of us actually feel it, but it's out there. The rest of us have to walk with blind faith, cynicism, or apathy. I would say I am currently the middle. I am very cynical of Catholicism and Christ currently because I am afraid to walk blindly. I think you cannot truly find Christ if you do not question, however, I think that last step will be a leap of faith found in meditation.
This is all very outrageous for me to say considering I am such a cynic about everything. Something just doesn't feel right about being cynical about faith. Perhaps it is a fear of my own mortality, a strange desire for the supernatural, or deep roots formed in my youth. Probably all three.
I have some supernatural tendencies of myself, but they have nothing to do with relics and voodoo like prayer. Mine, if you haven't figured out, is tied to dreams, visions, and transcended knowledge. I really believe in these and they are all very illogical. I have two sides fighting inside of me. One that says that I need to be more open to that type of belief because it will get me to this higher state of being and closer to God and that other side thinks that I am full of rubbish. For right now I still have the feud inside and am undecided. Some days I would say it's all bull s*** and others I will say there is something to it.
I really desire to feel the presence of God, but currently my logical, cynical side wins out. That does not I will give up my journey.
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Very interesting discussion Joe. When you emphasize your search for spiritual growth you sound exactly like a Unitarian Universalist. I certainly agree with you about the "chosen people" bit. I also find the church's use of statues and such to be hypocritical since the bible prohibits idol worship. I appreciate your spiritual focus to better yourself over simply asking god for favors.
I disagree with you about the nature of Christ. I think he was a real person who lived but I don't necessarily share your view about his good nature. He attempted to start his own movement by claiming to be the son of god, by partially and inconsistently amending existing Jewish writ, by purposefully attempting to fulfill obscure prophecies, and by performing so called "miracles". Overall he is a mixed bag to me. There are many better, and many worse people to emulate from history.
I do know something of St. Ignatius and St. Francis which is I'm sure far less than what you know. I am curious as to why or what in particular makes them exalted in your eyes. Sincere visions of Christ don't sway me towards belief at all. Muslims have sincere visions of Mohammad, Jews of Moses, Bahai of Bahaullah, Buddists of Buddha, and every other conceivable creed of whoever their inspirational figure is. The spiritual inspirations are a natural human condition and the people who experience them are sincere in their belief but that does not lend support to the actual existence of the spiritual entities.
As for my own state, I am a skeptic rather than a cynic. I attempt to objectively evaluate claims and possibilities to determine what is possible, and what is probable. I am agnostic, so I acknowledge the existence of god as a legitimate explanation for the origin of the universe. I justify my moral and ethical standards on both a deistic and purely secular basis. Although I have not completely settled all questions of morality in my mind I believe that I have found my ultimate moral methods. I emphasize method here - I think that there is right and wrong but it is not an absolute edict. It must be reached by following sound methods. I have never felt god. Although I believed in one as a child this was due to teaching. I didn't really worry about it until the end of middle school and the start of high school. By my junior year I had rejected religion. While I still find the subject academically fascinating I've reached the point where it doesn't really matter to me if god exists. Because I justify my actions on both a deistic and secular basis, I would do a single thing different if he did exist than if he doesn't. I think Pascal's wager is a terrible bet and although I don't want to die, death as an eventual event doesn't frighten me into belief. I choose truth over comfort and I find more than enough comfort by living an ethical life. So that is what I strive for proper determination of what is morally right and pursuit of that course.
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